In years past, they have been given a title that rarely had any positive tone to it. And why? Why did it have to be that way? Did we/they ask to be in the situation they are in? Helping to raise children that aren’t her own? No. So her choices are to search for a man to date that doesn’t have children at all or to date someone knowing they have children and take the chance of it being a healthy situation or a not so healthy one.
At a certain age, the dating pool gets smaller, then take out the men that have children and it’s really, really small. So as a single woman you decide to take a chance and think to yourself that if the roles were reversed you would be respectful to a stepmom to your children so surely others would act the same. Wrong!
Let’s be honest, women can be mean. We can be insecure, jealous, hateful, bullying. Not all of us are all of these things, but all of us have felt at least one of these things at some point in our lives. The key is to handle it in a healthy way. You have to say to yourself, why am i so angry? Why am i feeling the way I’m feeling? When you can honestly answer those questions, then you can come up with some resolutions to solving your issues. Because usually it’s a personal issue with yourself, not the other person.
I have said it a thousand times, no one can take your role as mom or dad unless you are putting it on the table to be taken. And, just a little secret us stepmoms have, we don’t want to be “mom” to our step kids, especially us stepmoms that have children of our own. We have enough on our plate raising ours let alone take on more that we didn’t raise from birth and obviously wouldn’t have the same bond with. We just want to be a good foundation for them for when they are with their father. We want to make the home feel like it’s everyone’s safe place and to provide things they love and need so that they don’t feel like they are coming to a house that they don’t belong in, that’s it, it’s that simple!
So i ask again, why is it that the term stepmom has a negative connotation to it? That’s because lots of times it’s given by the bio-mom, or at least in my case it is and many others that i have talked to. Bio-mom feels threatened by another woman coming into her kids life and “that’s a hard pill for her to swallow.” Understandably, so wouldn’t you want to get to know that stepmom and see where she is coming from before you decide that it’s a bad thing? I would and I did with my kids stepmom and she’s wonderful!! Wonderful a thousand times! Now, if I myself felt insecure or jealous of my kids stepmom then it wouldn’t be a positive thing because I wouldn’t allow it to be. You as a woman can decide how any situation is going to be, especially in a blended family. If the bio mom isn’t happy with having a stepmom, it will feed into the kids not being happy about it as well. Also, it will then in turn effect the coparenting situation between dad and bio mom. Why would any mother want any of that for her children? That causes so much unnecessary stress and emotional harm to your children and all because of bio moms personal issues. Again, even if she does feel a certain way, bio mom can be the one to make or break the relationship between children and step mom. I pray for those moms that make it an issue that you please realize that the only people that suffer are the children.
Keep your heads up stepmoms, in the end we know we are doing the greater good and for a better purpose. We are the ones keeping the kids as first priority and nothing else. We are the ones that can lay our heads down at night peacefully knowing we have done the right thing 💗
ShelleyTwilley 